Genderlect Styles

When thinking about the cultural differences between men and women, the movie, You’ve Got Mail, came to mind. The movie came out in 1998, but it left an impact because it was revolutionary in that it portrayed an online romance. It was a classic because it’s your typical love story, with miscommunication between a man and a woman. Below is an excerpt IM conversation between NY152 (Tom Hanks) and SHOPGIRL (Meg Ryan) from the movie.

NY152: Had a feeling you’d be online. I can give you advice now.
SHOPGIRL: I don’t think you can help.
NY152: Is it about love?
SHOPGIRL: My business is in trouble.
NY152: I’m a brilliant business man; it’s what I do best! What’s your business?
SHOPGIRL: No specifics, remember?
NY152: Minus specifics, it’s hard to help. Except to say, go to the mattresses.
SHOPGIRL: What?
NY152: It’s from the Godfather; it means you have to go to war.
SHOPGIRL: What is it with men and the Godfather?
NY152: The Godfather is the I Ching. The Godfather is the sum of all wisdom. The Godfather is the answer to any question. What should I pack for my summer vacation? “Leave the gun, take the cannoli”
What day if the week is it? “Maunday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday”
The answer to your question is “Go to the mattresses”
You’re at war “It’s not personal, it’s business. It’s not personal, it’s business.”
Recite that to yourself every time you feel you’re losing your nerve. And I know you worry about being brave, this is your chance. Fight! Fight to the death.

In that conversation, it couldn’t be clearer when Shopgirl asks, “What is it with men and the Godfather?” I know I asked myself that same question. Men worship the Godfather, women haven’t even seen it. It could be because, as the Genderlect theory points out, conversations between men and women reflect male domination. Also as pointed out in the theory, men’s communication needs to reflect status, whereas women seek connection. The Godfather is a movie all about male dominance and status. Even though it deals with the mafia, men have always been fascinated with “leaders of the pack”; it just enforces this reality of men being in control.

When NY152 applies the Godfather to Shopgirl’s issue, she doesn’t find help. She does not receive the connection, nor understand where he is coming from. I’m sure she would hope for a response similar to, “I’m sure business will pick up, you are capable of handling it if you’ve gotten this far.”
Women are more likely to ask questions, and expect to receive a valuable answer. NY152 responded the way the theory predicts, they tell stories, are concerned with status, and portray male dominance.
Even the one of last lines of their conversation, “It’s not personal, it’s business”, is Donald Trump’s tag line for his TV show, the Apprentice.
This just reinforces the theory, men seeking status and control.