Uncertainty Reduction Theory

When I met my last boyfriend, I knew nothing about him. He was rooming with one of my dorm friends, so that is essentially how we met. I can relate to the uncertainty reduction theory on many levels, and also disagree with some of it.

For instance, when trying to learn more about him, I tried getting information from any avenue I could. I was passive, and watched him interact with my friend, and see how he interacted with his family. I also was active in the beginning and asked my friend and other people who knew him to tell me things about him I should know. Silly things like does he have any funny habits, how sociable is he, because I essentially wanted to reduce my uncertainty. Obviously, once we became a couple I would go the interactive route and come right out and ask him questions. I would try to derive all kinds of information from him, but he wasn’t as open as I would’ve liked. I would find myself asking a lot of cognitive questions because he wasn’t abiding by axiom1. It seemed like the more we talked, and the more I told about myself, the less I learned about him.

We did share some common ground, like having some of the same friends, so that did help with feeling comfortable. The uncertainty in that area did go down, so I do agree with axiom 8. Also, I was sort of relying on the “opposites attract” saying, so part of me wasn’t really relying on axiom 6 to feel the need to find similar activities and interests. However, that might’ve been part of our problem in the long run, and possibly why we didn’t last as a couple.

Lastly, I partially disagree with axiom 2 because in this relationship, he would nod and smile but it went somewhere else. I found that he would act like he was listening, but he really wasn't. So I do feel sometimes those non-verbal expressions can be misleading. Also, in this relationship I didn't really notice axiom 5 much. Even in the beginning, everything was almost lop-sided and not following the norm, which might've been why I was intrigued. Because this relationship was so different in certain ways, I think it followed some of the theory, and it didn't in other parts. In essence, I think with every situation, there are things that will not fall into these categories for this theory. Like any situation, different cultural values and individual characteristics are the true foundation for any relationship. A theory can pin-point reasons, but it cannot predict human emotion. Human communication does help to reduce our uncertainty of others, but it is not the only factor.